Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
