this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
