you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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