So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
