woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
