and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
