I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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