so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize