So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
