An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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