I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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