She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
