That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
