Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need to sanitize my soul.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So. Much. Porn.
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