now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
