At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
