you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When did angry sex become our thing?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
