Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What a dumb baby whore.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
