I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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