So drunk its hurt
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
