i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
