I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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