i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
