Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
