i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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