Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
