things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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