I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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