So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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