Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
