I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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