the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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