I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
