you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
