my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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