I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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