She's JV to your varsity
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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