Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
