Your face is a jimmy john
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
