You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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