we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
