So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
