Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
