I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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