all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
