Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
