she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
