She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
