Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We are two peas in an std pod
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
