I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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