We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
