Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
