cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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