I think scott just propositioned me for sex
People in love make me want to vomit
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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