Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i think my cat just said my name.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
