Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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