so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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