just come out here and I will go home with you...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
