A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
