i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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