I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize