sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
