So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
