I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
