I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
