I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
