I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
