So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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