So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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