No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
