I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That accounts for only three of the penises
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
