you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
