Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently you make a good broom.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
