im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
