Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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