Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
