she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
this just has baby written all over it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
