margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My nipple is on Facebook.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
