dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
