The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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