Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
