The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
