Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize