May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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