What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
