My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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