i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
