but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
