No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
