I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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