Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
