Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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