the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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