she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
