dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
